Miss u

I know of how I turn to this page on extreme joy-or-sorrow days of life!
Jus like how I think of u when there is an extreme joy-or-sorrow in life to share.
But not today. There have been a million seconds before this that I have missed u.
And some days I have been hysterical imaging evey tall man on the road with a hunch, sporting long hair and specs with silver rim to be u.
Ya of course I know u have changed the frame n cut ur hair short. Life demands one to squeeze time out of a day from silly trivial tasks like styling ur hair right?
I remember the cat fights, which u always lost coz I had long nails to scratch and hurt u.
The book cricket during study time. And how we had planned together to hide that we broke the headlights of dads's new santro.
How u used to leave note with the time u wake u up at the sink n how I felt proud of ur ingenuine ways of doin small things.
I have always felt proud of u n I know u know that :).
Music classes and boy I used to pray I could sing as u did.
Waiting outside school till we both had our own set of friends in the same new school.
The evening cycling turns. How u tried to teach me basket ball. I can list endlessly about midnight balcony talks, book talks, secret sharing ;) etc etc etc.
Saturday afternoon sweet kesribath from veena store! Do u know that I make kesari bath now:).
And dosas too.No, not like mom'z sticky picky ones u hate but roast masala doses which I bet u wont say no to.
Hey bro it just occurred to me that it will be a good year and a half before I see u in person and this is the last time I am going to call u tonite. Please answer the phone and talk to me for a few minutes. I really miss u. And ya I am already thinking if I am disturbing u and almost hesitant to dial. The baneful agony of growing up I swear.

I knew the whole part of the drive thru the mountains was to jus feel the monstrosity of the ranges and feel trivial about life and existence.When one goes on an "intense" mode, its mostly like that. And then start dissecting for meaning, or the lack of it in everything one hears/sees/feels. Get super highly philosophical, read between lines and prove points saying things like just because you can't spot stars in the day, does not mean they are not shining. Of how day and night themselves are jus a perspective change.. Well philosophically atleast.Finally start all over again and this way, in time one will perfect the art of just going round and round in circles and never getting cornered. The whole point of writing down all this is just to remember a few clever arguments and to prove to self how everything has a time and place in the bigger scheme of things and that i had decided the very moment after that i would write abt it. Everyone has conversations with themselves and it was such a day for me. While i was lost in myself and the huge cascades of Rimutaka , the surprises started unfolding one after the other. An unplanned destination on a hot sunny afternoon was very well worth the tonnes of sunscreen lotions.
I do not remember how or why but i clearly have this idea of heaven etched in my mind since when i was a kid. Ok if one was subjected to lot of kannada/hindi epic movies/serials during childhood with fat bellied apsaras atrotiously prancing around trees wearing fancy makeup and glitter to attract similarly dressed bare chested men looking voluptuously down at them, then its a different story altogether. Cut it. For me heaven is where all i hear is a few birds , the sea hitting the shores rhythmically, not roaringly but light waves making a ringing sound thats almost musical. The pristine water cleansing the sand on the beach. And i just sit there eyes closed n feel the light breeze penetrate my skin and smile. Open my eyes to see the blue of the sea and the blue of the sky merge at the horizon on one side, and a multi green-hued hill that cannot be climbed on the other. Seeing almost a similar picture perfect display of nature at Cape Palliser , trying to form a picture of that very moment when the sun kissed the surface of the sea at the horizon and the clouds wore a light rose shade of blush, I just ran out of words.