Through My Wharf

The sea as I see,

Through my wharf.

Coloured by the creator.

Captured by the creature.

Pampered

We went drivin to a lake on the outskirts of the city .The smell of fresh air stimulates the senses as Oxygen fills up the lungs to the fullest:)The calm breeze suddenly made me feel i was in a new world.Its so close to the city, yet so much unlike it and i wonder if there was a filter made by nature to wade away the noises and the commotion of the city .To add to this is the ringing sound of the water hittin the stone bund. I wonder if its symphony being conducted by nature. On the otherside is a line of small hillocks which look like they r posing for me to click. Soul soothed with the ecstasy of seeing the sunset over the hills. Its silent and i was at my silent best talking incessantly though inside , but for fear of disturbin the harmony dint mouth a single word for an hour.The soft breeze flowing over the water and then hittin the face.. the rhythm in which the wind falls on the ears feels like it is conversing with me ...calling out my name slowly ,whispering like a secret being shared.
It is a lullaby,
Its a talk,
It is music ,
It is heaven.
A lone tree stands far on the mountain top many a miles away n its branches spread out to cut the orange evening sky.The sunsets very fast, as if he is being pulled by the earth.Each time i blink , I open my eyes to see a new arrangement of the clouds, of the sunrays that penetrate through them and their reflection on the water surface .
And then the sun sets,
moon rises,
A lone star twinkles like its trying to call the other stars.
And they get busy bringing more and more stars to life .
As the dark shrouds around us, we made an exit from the place.




Then visited an ashram situated closeby to get a dollop of spirituality .The sarcosanct ambience gives the mind a tough time convincing one to comeback.I donot believe in miracles that could be created by simply spending hours on the religious ceremonies, but still paid a visit to see the paladin of the free spirit and his art of living.The atmosphere is very calm and serene and a sense of freedon takes over the mind whichz inured to the momentary helplessness that hounds me about most days.The secluded and sylvan setting offers a charming solitary escapade ,almost quixotic in nature, in stark contrast to the monotony jus a a few 10s of kilometers away.

Made a few notes:
-Dont think people talkin alone while walking/sittin/standin are mad, its most likely that they would be on a handsfree.

-The printing press is a real thing of creativity.For the first time saw how the machines operate and was amazed .The Japanese suck big time as they engrave the details of the machine in Japanese. Even the stop ,start, pause ,etcetra etcetra a whole bunch of buttons had the instructions in Japanese.

-XDAi is a piece of marvel.I cannot do any kinda of justice by saying it was abso-bloody-lutely superb even though i had the luxury of havin its company for a lil more than hourz time.That was a punch from O2 for me.

-Rally racing is more taxing and adventurous than F1 .No pitstops means u need be the mechanic of ur machine if it decides not to do its best for u.

-Dont try to make sense when some says I live in my own rented house.

-The identity of an individual has almost nothin to do with the name.Its most probably with the surname :)

-Dont expect any day to be mediocre.Always the unplanned and unexpected fun brings in joy beyond containment.

And at this I feel pampered beyond words.

To Childhood And Back

Instead of squanderin away an evening chaffing on the humdrums of the vegetative corporate life, decided to rush to grab a good book.err.. definition of good shall remain subjective..And then very prudently selected MY DAYS -R K Narayanz autobiography.The slow paced beginnin of the book suddenly makes one feel like a process of decelaration has taken place and the endearing writing of Narayan compulsively makes one traverse the days of childhood again and retrograde in time. ..The stories are so damn down to earth.It makes it more likebale when u can relate to the places and certain incidents.places where he describes.. royapettah.. mount road.. oh yeah i have seen this .omigawd! me has been there.The pets that were kept.. the innocence in assuming certain things.. everything is so much at peace..The faculties of the mind get influenced by incidents that seem so petty n trivial for eg thinking that an uncle in the neighbourhood with a scary beard cumes home to take u to task.It brings laughter to me now ,but then beleive me it would have taken lotta courage to walk past such scary aunts n unclez very gingerly..He is not parsimonoious when it cumes to describin the minute details of the events that shape ones life going further and thus forms a picture of visual novelty when the words put the tress on the road..the perpetual effect of sitting on the shores of a beach.Ahhh loved it!! Unlike the prosaic stuff i had read oflate ,the finely narrated stories are such a feast.
Back to childhood and then drift off into wat i did then.. how it seems so much far away.Its like relivin the times again and when u get used to this exotic inebriety, the morning seems so repungnant and testy and i detest this to childhood and back affair these days .Wonder how easy it is to get lost with a book and its characters......

A Drop of tear

And

Then The

Drop Of Tear

slid slowly from the eye,

On to the sand.N Bfore i felt it,a

wave carried it to the ocean to make it one

among a million drops. Then I swam across the oceans

in search of my tear for miles.Now am scared as i realised

It does not matter how much time u spend crossing surface

of an ocean,u will know not the depth of it.Am confused

if i should plunge into the abysm with the hope of

finding my tear drop. For i know not if it

bcame a pearl r if it jus evaporated

into thin air Confused.....

Get Used To

Jus like keying in wrong password atleast twice the morning...
As if it was not me who changed it the previous evening.
Jus like asking "Besant Nagar?" again n again till auto driver gives me a puzzled look...
As if it was not me who moved out of that place of late .
Jus like calling out "s, s" again n again till my granny pulls the blanket and gives me a tutelarian look...
As if it was not me who shifted in here recently.
Jus like trying to push the specs up my nose and smile laconically in realisation...
As if it was not me who changed to lenses yesterday.

She has got used to it i said to myself and aloud i say "Nothing .careful.. " n pulled the lady on my left towards me, as a car passed by us.On a busy main road, hustling with vehicles and their deafening horns " I am so sorry !!!" the one on my right said with a very apolgetic tone ,biting her tongue,sqeezing her eyes closed tight.
"wat? y? i dint hear u ..." the one on my left was screaming through my ears.
A lil later the one on my left n i exchanged a smile , a smile that personified a great relief...for we knew how big a faux-paus it wud have been to ask a woman- which standard, her son ,who died recently, was studying in now?

On A Sunday Afternoon

Weekends
Talked of Stocks
Shares
ProjectManagers
SPMs
Work pressure
Business standard
Wait for the weekend
Had Capuccino
W800i
Earplugs
Heard One new song
Bike ride
Talk of Kerala
Pune
CAT scores
Managerial inabilities
Inox
No tickets for a movie
No food at food joint
Go 2 closed restuarants
Street plays
Laptop
Pizzas
Pepsi
No ice tea
Talk of Vodka (jus talk...;))
Tequila
Beer n
After effects of booze
Pondicherry
Cheap liquor
Ashram
Beachroads
Class definition
Books
Birthday
Hair style
Brands
Advertisements
Van Heusen
Allen Solly
Fried icecream
Restuarants
Blogs
Firmware update
Chennai
Bangalore
Weather
Pollution
Traffic
Beach
Cooking
Walked to office
Viewed runway
Plan trip to Kualalumpur
Show off Gold card
TAlk of Mp3 player
Tamil songs
Spencer plaza
Forum
Satyam
Mayajal
Toss for go karting / bowling
Digicam
Dairy milk desserts
Oversize shoes
Bowling
Phone calls
Travel agent
Marathhalli
Goggles
Adam teasing;)!!!!
Shoes
Jayalalitha
Upendra
Sahara
Stealth
Venus
Moon
Chocolate fudge :)
Chocolate mousse
Walnut cake

phew! that was to half a sundayz eat talk n loaf on streets of bangalore!:)

Sloppy SOP

Statement Of Purpose.
First things first.Here is the statement of purpose for this post.
The purpose of this post is to share my woes over penning down the Statement of Purpose for an application to a college of business education.woops! did I make make a statement out of the word purpose;).
okei okei Am all set to pen down on the papyrus an inimitable SOP-The statement of my purpose.Phew! lets go !has to be a bombastic one.The opening sentence could not have been more disastrous than the one i wrote first .here it goes "If u were to describe me in a word.."well wait wait! this sentence is gramatically, conceptually and morally flawed.Coz u dont
decsribe in a word... its in brief that u use a word..and that is no description watsoever.Next conceptually ytf do u think some1 reading ur SOP , with 100% probabaility of he not knowing you forget knowing u well enuff to describe, would want to desrcibe u.Next morally okei lets leave that part it would get too boring..i dont want to ennervate away with such trivia ;)Ditched that sentence undoubtedly;)Later.. had this urge to put this in quotes n bold like this...
"A vivacious enthusiast.
That ,would be my epithet."
howzzat?? oh cum u r not contesting in a peotry competition right?
Well i can exhaust the whole lexicon with all unwanted jargonary, but that would avail no fruition and that of course would be a trite(As most many of us land up writing it that way;)).
So how abt this?
The spectrum of light has jus 7 colors but my spectra of interests 1,2...7,8...oh boy!hehe cant even count...ouch! I am sure i will not write nythin funny(??!! looks more atrotious than funny though;)) Actually can go on n on with a rote endlessly to bore whomsoever concerned to death.Or I had another choice ,to dissimulate absolute decency and vitirolically say somethin like '....to the best institue under the sun here comes my application.It would be a fete to be associated with a college of such high caliber'(hopin it has one !) .Or take a militant approach to my resume and do all i can to save my image bein marred.At the end of the rough draft i realsied that i had proposed to the reader an antithesis of my bein ,nigglin around the ramified persona that i described myself as .Finally i allayed myself sayin a rampant canvassin would not fetch me a seat there .Then made a wise decision of sayin thus.
The following state the purpose for which i shall be interested in pursuing my management studies at this renowned institue.
1.To b a leader,one with a class.
2.To make money
3.To make money fast
4.To make more money
5.To make much more...okei i am sure u got the idea of wat i wrote down;)
If some1 has survived thru this tortuous letter ,then they would definitely call me to compliment me with a watta impalpable piece of shit i have churned out for an SOP;) which actually has lost the substance n the actual purpose of this whole exercise .In the end the purpose or the reason simply happens to b the empty space of about 1.5 pages in the application form reserved solely for this purpose:)

Strange

Its a damn cold night.Am shivering beneath the two layers of warm wear n a cup of hot tea.The teeth are difficult to separate .Not that i wanted to talk something at 2 in the night.Shez lying dead in the cold in the verandha of the house.Its been nearly 18 months i was here last.Never expected to come here on a night like this.She was on a toto now.My grand aunt to whom i have talked for a max of 1 hour put together all the little 'hi' n 'hello'z i have exchanged with her, for nothing-but-formality sake, in her life time.The grand aunt was at home when mom had an operation.When the other aunt had a premature child n wanted assistance or domestic help i would word it.She was called for when the uncle standing on the right most had his toe amputed.She was there when they decided to perform the thread ceremony of a cousin in the village ,earlier this year.She had cooked for a 100 ple during the naming ceremony of my cousin sis.She had no kin to care for , no husband to standby.The childhood lived in embarassment for she was the plumpest of all siblings.Youth lived in misery coz her in-laws accused her of earning a widowhood .Later siblings snubbed her from being independent financially r otherwise...wat if she was a loud mouth ..wat if she did lotta backbitin...she was called for on all occassions
when there was work and left almost uncared for when she wanted care.Helpless on a cold winter night.The best I could do was to shut up n sip my tea.I felt very close to her now ..as if she was cryin out her woes to me.Strange her death had brought me close to her n she lives in my memories from now. Very strange a life of 55 years seemed to have got value only at 2 on a reticent gloomy night, an hour after it had ended.

The Divide

Two unequal parts caused by one line.
The septum that runs through the sky seems to divide it.
A single line that dissevers the firmament.
Who hatched this partition?
Beyond this line, the sky is not parted.
Beyond this line, the empyrean remains conjunted.

U need to look beyond the me(n)tal divide to see the reality.

Give Away

The droplets tell that there was rain.
The memories tell that there was a past.

Wat problem hides , solution reveals.

Wat proximity hides, distance reveals.

Wat words hide , the tone gives away.
Wat smile hides , the eyes give away.

Wat i try to hide, my reflection gives away.

TRANSITION

There are no boundaries to contain.
The fringes submerge imperceptibly into one another.
The two are so seamlessly woven together.
The sempiternal union of the indefatigable sea and the insuperable sky.
I wonder how the unfathomable transition seemed nothing but natural.....
Wonder where the sea ended and the sky started…

Together

“Cant u see the truth between us?..” he paused.
“yeah very much..” she continued
“I can see that truth lies between us.”
subconsciously picturing truth between them as ...
u truth i ..
..
Pity he was not able "to get her"
hence they were not "together"

Bored Meetings!

Its 8.15 am.U know the bus driver is not ur best frd around, to stand n wait till u put ur gloss on n get into the bus.He is not even ur jus-a-frd, to b considerate enough for u to eat ur breakfast.Wash the apple.Looks fresh maroon red n take to ur heels baby else u will miss the bus.Hair uncombed n wet .Not drippin wet but not dry..dupatta folded n on the right forearm.The handbag not closed.. the earphone of the ipod poppin out almost fallin off.The footwear half into the feet n the wrist watch in the other hand.Runnnnnn wow! In time made it into the bus.uff Daily morning it was the same story .I know i will have to get up n get ready a lil early .Probably 5 min to prevent that autorickshaw walah at the turn of the road from disappointment.Am sure my PT usha stunt on that road daily, must surely have made the autorickshaw wallah there dream of Indiaz next olympic medal in the 400 m category.Its positively gotta got to me who runs up that distance daily mornin.But no.. shall not do it.Its the confidence that yeah I will run to the bus hook r crook at 8.20 sharp;).Come on u can do it yeah u sure can.;)!hats off to my confidence;).crap.Jus lazy simple as that.No sooner do i start breathing in peace "clrr chit chit clrrrr.."radio mirchi (okei lemme try to give u an idea of how it sounds. "tan tandadan *pause* tan tadadan (okei chuck the BGM) ..raydio meeerchhi 98.3 yef yem.its hawwwawaat.."Damn it! it still rings in my ears.The cliched beats "its hawtttt...")starts off "raaa raaaa..." from one of the recent tamil movie hits.Practically confused if i have to scream my guts out n say "ok ok i have already cum whom r u callin still;)"(ra means cum)This is atleast tolerable than most of the zany tunes like "suppose-unnai-kadhaliche" Its simply is the best i have heard.. scores above all the others.Had laughed for a while when a frd of mine had translated it to english for me.Roughly equallin "suppose-that-i-love-u" i belive.It jus gets on ur nerves.The mornings r atleast better coz u sleep off in the bus as if the whole process of gettin up n gettin ready was an interlude to the sleep of the night.Get into the office ."beep"(access card) .U could possibly walk into the office without nythin(ahem ahem no pun intended;)) but not ur access card.bang!!!... dint realise that it dint swipe .Glad the glass door dint break n dint hurt urself badly either.... .Ahhhh stand in a side n wait with an awkward smile for a fellow worker to swipe n let u in n then imagine if u were to do a run like a matador chasing a bull.Run from near the stairs with ur head forward and yeah of course matrix OST playin in the background n banggggg break open the door n get in.Nay am civilised n well cultured so wont do nythin like that."Hey cum in! u forgot again..we had a meetin today.That presentation from X..hurry up we are already late." *sigh*Walk up to the conference room very aptly called Board(bored??!!) room."U r just in time.Take ur seat n go thru these".One huge document of about 25-30 pages.. am not aware of watshappeningaround."Jus take it n read thru.Fast guys we really need to do this stuff fast.ny clarifications r doubts plz feel free to ask me." the guy giving the prez said with a big smile almost pleadin *" now u will not ask me doubts right u lil girly u wont"*.I had half a mind of poppin up "yeah does this have 25 r 26 pages." But then civilised right.So leave it.There is a ppt put up.Dekhelia .I stare at it n pronounce it "dekh liya".My colleague snaps "kisko?;) r so fast u went thru the doc huh?"."Oh no i was tryin to read the name of the place put up there..."(Its a UK Sovereign Base Area.Dint have a clue this was a place till i googled.Was bad a geography neways.) No distractions please.Presentation starts...jdhfdosfhsdfjsd nddncsdlfvn fjdskfjf.Dint get it?well wat i got outta that presentation was equally intangible.Waste time on such frivolous stuff. It was such an unintelligibly utterly gutterly boring as hell talk.I jus cudnt help looking back again n again at Dekhelia.. i staretd runnin over all country names i knew that ended with "ia" lexicographically: algeria, albania,armenia,australia,austria,bolivia,bulgaria,cambodia, not bad u can think of more ..columbia,croatia,knew none from d of course apart from our very own dekhelia, ethiopia, estonia, euthnasia..chee thats jus another proof i was a pathetic at geography .Not that i was historically gr8 at economics.But biology wasnt that bad;) after all not atleast euthnasia. Then i started thinkin abt the discussion we were havin the previous night regarding how right it would be to legalise euthnasia.I thought it definitely made a better topic to b discussed in such beautiful conference rooms than trying to cook up some facade n lifelessly weary ads for ur company trying to entice people to join the rocking company of the century.Smile jus involuntarily curved on my face n he looked up..n smiled"..is somethin wrong? " *"well do u smile when somethin is wrong??ah do u? Tell me do u? "* i wanted to jus get up , hold him tight by his collar n start a fight with him jus then. Gawdd for heavenz sake r hellz sake r whosever wateverz sake get me outta this room fasttttttt.This meetin was a clear ludicrous task according to me.When u have tonnes n tonnes of work to be done ,u really dont want it right? Its not about the design of the project.Nor is it about the requirement clarifications. Hell its not even the"kaun banega bakra" blame-game retrospection meeting. It was an awful board meeting, which undoubtedly bored me to the coreeeee , for advertising for the company .crap..
"Dint have nythin to say? " Colleague asks as i walk outta the room."uhumm "i nod n smile thinkin to myself Sometimes the only way not to feel dumb is to b silent.How ironic!
"These meetings are sucha pain i swear " was the last sentence i heard from her as i walked back to my cabin. Pain="An unpleasant sensation occurring in varying degrees of severity as a consequence of injury, disease, or emotional disorder."My dictionary sez.Now i was certainly bored by that meetin but wat had it done to her.. she said it was a pain==injury.. no she looked fine.. disease ..no no no disease stuff ..emotional disorder?????? mebbe.who knows:)No more such bored meetings puhhllleeaseee..

The Blurt n The Hurt

Wat she heard then were:

wordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordsw

But the pain that emanated now made her feel they were:

swordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordsw

And she realised it was the mind, the culprit ,
which transformed the words that were blurted out to the sword that hurted her.

Wishful Thinking.

Hope i see the dew drop deliquesce n trip from the tip of a leaf first thing today
Hope i get up jog on the beach at sunrise.
Hope it rains like hell today.
Hope i jus get every inch of myself thoroughly drenched in that rain.
Hope i have company to dance in the rain then.
Hope i laugh laugh laugh till i have stomach cramps.
Hope i play play play till all my muscles have cramps .
Hope i study study study like a bookworm till my eyes hurt.
Hope i solve like genius one unsurmountable DI today.
Hope i stop hatin every soul i hate now.
Hope i am at peace with myself from now.
Hope i kill that bloody mosquito if it bites me tonight.
Hope i scream my guts out once on the terrace.
Hope no one sees me when i do that.
Hope i read one good book today.
Hope i have food that defines wat is tasty today and when i eat..
Hope i dont spill it on my dress.
Hope i dont think of anything n jus sit numb for a while today.
Hope time retrogrades and clocks start ticking backwards from now.
Hope i dont go shoppin this weekend and even if do..
Hope i dont see anythin temptin enough to buy today.
Hope no good movie releases this friday.
Hope that rasam strain on my new white dress vanishes by morn.
Hope its a full moon night.
Hope i stretch my arms, close my eyes n lift my head when wind jus blows in my face.
Hope i dont get irritated with anybody i talk to today.
Hope i get " dear airtel subscriber plz pay ur bill" msg once n strictly once(unlike atleast a dozen times the other days;)).
Hope i listen to my fave song play again n again n again today .
Hope my ears dont pain then.
Hope i chat with my frds today n be more happy .
Hope no one cries .
Hope all throes of every woe is removed from the earth today.
Hope i stop behavin like the harbinger of all good under the sun and savior of the earth;).
Hope i stand in the beach n a huge wave hits me then.
Hope i dont get drowned in the sea though;)
Hope all flowers on the tree below bloom at once in front of my eyes today.
Hope i take that one snap am dyin to take since 2 weeks.
Hope the week ends on every day of the week.
Hope atleast some of the above ...nope atleast few of the above ...nay all of the above.. come true;) today.
Hope I stop hoping from today.

Telepathy?!!

"kankanadi kankanadi.." shouts the conductor.I wake up to see the dew droplets so artistically placed on the window of the bus.Slightly open the window n realise ,when the cold breeze hits me strong enough to gimme goose bumps , that I have forgotten my jacket .The lush green fields outside.The flight of white birds.wow! watta pulchritudinous sight.I put my hand out to feel the freshness of the drizzle.It feels so innocent and clear.The stariform clouds continuosly melt n evaporate from the sea that borders the town.Its 6.30 in the mornin.. the drizzlin rain that never seems to stop here.. unlike where i stay.Its cloudy n dull n a lil cold.I jus get off the bus with my bag.I see the car parked in the usual place. She scurries towards me " hi putta how r u? " with a smile so nice,I believe the best of all she wears..then holdin the black umbrella slightly tilted towards oneside to ward off the cold morning breeze.. puts hands around my shoulder comfortingly "come in come inside the umbrella..how many times to remind u ah y dont u wear ur jacket.. come inside dont get wet in the rain u will catch cold..."she says with a masquerade of anger.Hez jus got outta car.His specs in his left hand..right hand on his head to ward off the rain drops .He says "ummm Deepu.." with a big smile ".. ahh lil late right?? r on time almost.." he never words how r u? its his smile n a nod of the head that asks me how r u? how have u been ?hope its all fine.. all at the same time.We get into the car. She"hello do u have an extra towel in the car?.." Pulls it out.." take, wipe ur head else u will fall sick" n bfore I take it n wipe my specs she pulls it from my hand n starts rubbin the towel on my hair that is hardly wet."So how was it? Anyways its over right? so till the results are out dont worry. I know you would have done well.No tension" she says n laughs.I jus cant understand y she has soo much of blind confidence in me.Reached the flat.The watchman knows that am comin home the day he pulls out the car at 6...so the gate is all open.The flat seems to welcome.. everythin is suddenly quiet n peaceful n clear n clean like her laugh n his smile.The lift is waitin at 0 ..unlike the most many cases where u wait for eons for it to come down.The mirror in the lift is changed .. u r not sooo alien here that u wont recognize it.."Looks good"."Of course "she quips n says to imitate my voice n the way i always say it.."whose image r u seein." n winks."ufff.." he sighs ,shakes his head n joins our laughter.. specs still in his left hand n my bag in his right.She dressed in her dark grey saree( shez worn it bcoz i like it) primly at that hour in the mornin is an indication to her walkin-gang in the flat that am comin home.His shirt is the same he wore the last time he dropped me at the station.Almost a metaphor to tell me nothing has changed .General rituals through.Have tea sitting on the granite shelf that is a place for the stove.. the water jug. The carrot, some of them cut into symmetrical pieces, another one and a half left unfinished indicating that she was in the mid of it when he called out ." hello its late already..bus would be cuming at 6.20 r 6. 25 ".She would have hurriedly washed her hand into the sink n wiped her hand to her saree n said "yeah yeah i know it. Am all ready . U were the one who was late to get up .lets go " n looks at the mirror in the wash basin n curls the strand of hair that sits very neatly on her forehead.."u want to eat carrot?" she asks n u realise u are starin at the carrot while runnin over the sequence in ur mind.She washes it once again n over cautiously cuts the ends of it "Eat its good for ur eyes.. u dint put cucumber on ur eyes right? do it putta when u have a lil time .. all these dark circles will go off.." n hurriedly continues with her breakfast preparations.He jus walks into the kitchen n she takes the empty cup of the coffee ,he has jus finished from his hand and puts it in the sink.He has paper in his hands n now changed to white panche r dhoti.. "umm Finally exams over ..wats up? all else is well right?hostel ..frds..wat was it that ur warden was tellin the other day..."n we both walk to the balcony of the hall.The picturesque view.. the carpet of coconut trees dancing to the tune of the misty wind fills ur senses with joy."Pull a chair n sit this side.. last night it rained heavily.. that part of the balcony is wet.." I wonder y am I cared for so much..I jus hold the supplement in my hand n we start talkin .. the news in the paper long forgotten.. she joins in "Breakfast ready .uff !!I got up at 5 today n finished it allso that we can sit n talk without wastin time on the routine stuff "n hugs me.I jus put my hands around her waist n rest my head on her tummy.I look up n smile. "hello i have cooked upma for breakfast.. i guess u r gettin late for office.."and looks down holding my face in her hands "its okei right putta ? u like upma right? n i have made gulab jamun also.Ur favourite.Get up .u look too tired.Wanna have a bath? I had kept the geyser switched on for 15 min.. water mus b hot enough."She normally gets up at 6.30+ I know .She wakes up at 5.30 only on days of festivals.Today she said it was 5.00 .Its jus one indication that my coming home is definitely more than an occassion of festival for them.There is a sudden jerk n i wake up.. i know i have mastered the art of daydreaming that any onlooker would undubitably feel that am doin something important. yeah this is important for me..the thought process was interrrupted bcoz of a drop of tear that unknowingly escaped my eyes ..slipped slightly to the inside of the upper lips.. it tastes salty ...bitter..But the memories it has brought are sweet.May have run over them a 100 thousand times.. n now they are all blotched wet with drops of tears that have rained on them.But this was a fresh one.. fresh memory of the days begone.
The phone beeps Home calling....her voice"Hello putta... r u in the mid of somethin?? i jus called..."
I say "yeah kinda.." n the conversation continues .. telepathy nyone?:)

SMI(Y)LE

The alarm that very punctually rings ,every morning soo promptly ,is one whose loyalty i hate.The night always seems shorter.I jus wanted to scream n suddenly realised this uneasy feelin in my throat.Coming back to consciousness i recollect..yesterday night it was concluded that i am mad to the core ... Reasons for it follow thus.I had a terrible throat pain.'I belive its bcoz i ate somethin very oily' i start off.. but the argument is dismissed unconcernedly by miss B sayin its all jus ur imagination that u eat somethin oily n u land up havin throat pain.She concludes 'u know y this is ... i will tell u precisely bcoz u shout n talk a lottttttt...'after listening to the list of all wat i am bad at....n how pathetically incapable i am of improving in life bcoz idont listen to her.. i am given this syrup thingy.. a thick semi solid kinda blackish brown no no brownish black hell watever u get the color right??.Then there is the downpour of instructions . Drink 5 ml of this n gargle with hot salt water n shut up n sleep tonight okei? she orders holding her breath in such a speed that i understood i was to gargle with this syrup .. drink the hot salt water...I was confused and i make a sad face like a kid scared to death when she saw me after making her hair .. then she hits her head n says 'ayyoo ...okei now slowly.. to match ur pace.. okei? '
Step by step.First.Pull out the cap she roars.. a small cylindrical structure cut open at one end.. made of plastic.. supposed to b colorless but ownin to the umpteen number of times its been used.. it seemed to have bcum stained n taken up the color of the liquid inside.Next .'Turn open the cap '..she is puttin her sandals in place n goin to the terrace to get the dried clothes...while i meticulously turn the cap round n round n yeah opened it finally:).I jus c it.. yellow in colour.. with lotta things written in minute font..may b arial black size 0.0000121213231 r somethin like that i think.. now the noisome smell explodes into the nose which is drawn to pretty much proximity of the capless bottle.. feel nauseating...'Now drink 5 ml of the syrup.'.. shez back in action folding the clothes.5 ml......i feel the immediate panic button pressed inside.. 5ml how am i goin to know how much of this should pour into my system for it to constitute somethin like 5ml diffusing into some 5 lt of blood???..i say 'Now b reasonable.. u cant jus say some fancy figure like 5 ml n bhave like a doc sayin drink it ..u gettin it babe.. how on earth wud i.. '.cut. My sentence that i so painstakingly said straining the pathetically sored throat cut in half by miss B..'oh u dumbo that first conatiner u pulled out .. has the markings.. chk out n pour 5ml into it n drink okei? ' she continues with her folding of clothes.. arranging of books. uff some ple never ever get tired of keep things in place. Of course if u have a thin like me for a roomy strewin around everythin every where all the time may b u cant help it ;) more so when asked to not do so.. give some kinda philo sayin.. oh nothin shud b planned u c.Its okei as long as u find things when u want.Wat is the need for it... n some shitty crap ..some1 listenin to it wud feel its better to clean it up after i mess around than try n gimme some gyan on how to arrange the stuff around.Neways i start lookin at the supposed-to-b-colorless container n feel myself drawn into absolute misery.. of findin where the 5 ml mark was on it... i raise it up to my eyes level n c.. no dint help.. ah see it against the light... dinggg a light glows inside the head.. yeah see it aginst the light i turn around on my bed n hold this thin up against the light a lil above my eye level n find it..yeah!!!!! now i know how rama would have felt when he won the battle against ravana... ooooo man!! am sure it mus have been as difficult as this believe me. I did it!!! i found out the mark.. next the task of fillin it upto the mark.. I am already scared to death by miss B that if i fail to follow her instructions i shall not... well ..lets leave that part coz i am a goody goody listenin to her ...So to make sure that i dont overshoot the marked level i very intelligently pour the syrup into the cap of the bottle n then into the container.. she turns around.. 'uuiiyyy baba wat are u doin???' (Thats her patented expression 'uuiiyy baba thu kii korchish' yo! i got it:))u crazy r somethin???? n pulls it away from my hand. whaaaaaaaaaa:(( all those precious minutes i wasted on the smart investigation to find the mark n now to fill it.. n now she snatches it away. I guess it was a lil above the 2.5ml mark that means already more than 50% done..'U r u know wat.. crazyyyy madd.. u know that?' she laughs n pours it straight . n somehow in a way that is mysterious to me stops it exactly at the 5 ml limit. 'Now take drink' she says.. i say with a brillu ideaaa .Hey they cud make a CAT prob outta this..wat say? There is this cylindrical container with a radius of 0.02m and height of 2cm * i am happy bcoz i used to different mensuration units to indicate the same thing* .U need to fill a liquid into it by transferrin the liquid thru an intermediate conatiner of size 3cm diameter n height same as the cylindrical one.(I personally think typin 2 cm would b consume less space.. than typin.. same as that of the cylindrical one..but this supposed to b a question in CAT so thats how it should be.. ple dont believe in brevity;).. this thought i keep to myself n continue..)'..U know n then say.. the liquid gets smeared on the intermediate container,the thickness of which u can ignore..n then transfer the liquid to the first container. Find the percentage loss of the liquid due to the smearin on the intermediate conatiner.wat say? u think i should join the quorum of question makers for CAT rather than tryin to answer them??' i say beaming.. she is bugged absolutelyy.'U r completely insane...now would u plz do the honors of drinkin this medicineee so that u can b alive to set questions of this rotten sort???' me sez' okei.. ' n think to myself ufff i would rather die than delve into such realms of complicated processes in life.So there goes a proof of the concept for my madness...n we get down to some serious biz of eatin dinner n then sleepin. Hey u put that smile up she says.. i jus spring up from my bed n smile away to glory n try to remephasize for thenth time in life that i do have 32 teethhhhh. uff this girll naaaaa she gets up n says hello i meant did u put that SMYLE syrup up in the rack...It feels like she jus said it abt 5 min bfore n bloody its mornin alreadyyyyn my throat still aches like hell n i start hittin her for makin me undergo those ardous tasks the previous night to avail no good n the miss B she is bellows now stop it n SMILEEEEE pleaseee she sez with that awful bottle in her hand n a big smile on her face..i very unwillingly take that bottle in my hand n ask her 'U r advertising for SMILE r that SMYLE???? ' n we burst into a laughter as i grab that familiar thing to empty another 5 ml of SMYLE.:)

Coexist

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Festivity

There is tranquil and things are at peace as i get slowly out of the lazy slumbers .Its a holidayyy yuuuuuu!!! Lazy thoughts on lazy day make way for a philosophical muse.I start to ponder over pointlessly the 100 thousand possibilities of 'IF'.'If ' is such a small preposition...
If only it were long enough to signify the gravity of meaning it conveys.The window pane is wet coz of the rain drizzlin..would it look like this if the sky ever danced i think as i see the lightnin.The olive green cloured leaves on the plant below in the pot are bathed afresh...a drop of dew on it..waitin to melt.
If it had not rained..
If it was not like this..
If it was like that...
If i had not got up to see it..
If i were not me..
I cogitate,cerebrate,mull, ruminate n go over the synonyms of 'think ' and i speculate y so many words when all mean the same..is simplicity not a way of life?After much delibration i ask her if she could rationate y? she weighs for a while n reasons .. may b for variety .Yeah i consider..variety is essential after all isnt 'variety the spice of life'. There is an alarming jingle sound.. not exactly noise..the chime of a bell....Perfectly timed... a wake up call..it has a certain innate sanctity inherent with the charracteristic sound.The smell of the incense sticks.. smells of the jasmine flower that i loved as a kid.The cloud of the smoke from the incense osmosed all over the room as we walked down to the pooja room.Susheelammma the huge one;) with her hair open...the camphor goin into flames in circles..The clourful idol loaded with garlands of flowers, the effect seemed magical.. as if to transpose to a different world.. the song played form the old more-of-a-radio-less-of-a-music-system speaker..ohmm n then vinayaka nannu vinadhi.. a keerthana i had learnt eons before ..that i had loved to sing then and discontinued coz i got bored of their length and incomprehensible wordings.I thought the idol was overdone with kumkum n ashes of vibuthi..but still smilin with his hands risen to bestow blessings on all who bowed unto him .The song on the tape creaks tellin clearly that it has been run over n over again..(Ah dont i remember those mornings when i kick around my pillow coz of the irksome sound;)...)n finaly stops..ohmmm again..i close my eyes n pray..my way of it.The field of spirituality has always been a farrago for me.Say hi to him..ask how his life is.. If he ever worries abt the mistakes he has done.His mistakes... would that be somethin like blessing a bad man..wat would he do if a bad one bowed in front of him.. be rude n fold his hands turn his face away? r is he artificial too.. jus bcoz the bad one has offered grand pooja with lot of flowers n fruits.. give him a concession n bless him.. could he be bribed.. my horrible thoughts jus go haywire unguarded like animals grazin on a unbounded piece of land..jus get carried away ruminating . Not consciously.Then the prasaddddd the best part of ny puja.. sip it up happily wantin more n i do the customary fall-at-his-feet obeisances.The feelin of festivivity is complete only when i gulp down a glass of payasam rich with cashew n badam:) After a happy nappy afternoon my heart yearns for many a such occasions ..coz there is not much to do other than to jus contemplate n spend some time with ur most loved self:) Now that is definitely a thing of festivity.

Circle of thoughts

Started off rushing to the station from home...am late as ever. I clearly remember a time when I just managed to get into the train when the siren blew off.The train was to leave at 8.15 n I got into the station at 8.10 then ran like hell to the platform... shit i dint chk my coachhhhhh..Got into one of them thinking I will get into the right coach once the train starts moving.. I was almost sure I missed it... my good luck I managed to alight into the S4 coach just in time... which happened to be the one i was supposed to get into...
That was the last time when I went home n had made up my mind to b in the station a lil early than the departure time to avoid any of the train catchin bollywood stunts I may have to try if I continued to be late;)...
The trains are dirty some more dirty than the others... but when u cum mentally prepared to b stuck there for the next 12 hrs of Ur life... it doesnt matter much... Jus prefer the upper berths can get up n listen to music or read or sleep or hang upside down from the ceiling fan that is soo dusty or dust it or stare at the co-passengers who sleep in the adjacent upper berth. Do wat u want... not many ple watch u or most importantly disturb u.Was too tired for any comedy so jus slept off. It must have been quite sometime coz I was feeling fresh after sleep ...I got up bcoz it was too hot n stuffy... the train had stopped.I thought mus b a station near to blore..
I got off my berth to c if I can manage to get a coke for myself... i jus got down n saw that billboard.... it had caught my attention when i alighted the train in such a gr8 hurry also.. I had liked that model's smile... it was very cheerful... Phew I said watta co incidence... keep seein the things u like again n again.. Jus walked down to the cool drinks bar...every1 was out of the train n relaxed so i guessed mus b a big station where the train would stop for long.. N then the announcement...as i was walkin back to my compartment... the chennai blore express will leave in 5 min from chennai central... yatriyo kripiya dyan dijiye...
Hellllllllllll it was Chennai still... for a second i looked at my watch ... yeah it was 12.45... My train was to leave at 11... Hell I must have got into a wrong train... then climb up happily to a wrong berth n snored away to glory for abt an hr... When my train chugged away to blore carrying my dreams. I jus chked the train number on the sheet stuck outside the bogie n that in my ticket... which i managed to pull outta my pockets with gr88 difficulty... thankfully the numbers still lay legible enough to confirm that I was on the right track... Back to my abode I started looking down at each person n the irritation that had seemed to dance on every1z face in the train. Finally off to blore... Reached home at some awful 10 o clock+ in the morning... huh if i were a sprinter in life i wud have considered runnin to blore on my own god given legs than depend on this pathetic public transports ;)
Neways after the customary exchange of hi hello how u doin.. long time.. U have grown dark thin fat lean weak fair I wonder how I cud bcum dark n fair at the same time. Aunt saying dark granny saying fair...i wondered if wud bcum a cause for the daughterinlaw-motherinlaw duel;)...
I am off to c my frdsssss.A long never ending list of pals... each with 1 big story to tell... n each u meet u feel u have missed out 1 era from their life ....their lives of which u were so much an integral part some time somewhere.. Awesome lunch with my frd's mom ... the phone rings... my dad on the other side
Dad:hellooo deepuuu
Me:hii pa when did u reach?
Dad:jus abt half an hr back... how r u? where r u?
me:Dad am in such n such a place ..reached after an awful journey..(I had made up my mind that I wud not complain to him abt the journey..It always happens with me.. when I think this is something I shudnt talk about I say to myself I wud definitely not talk bat this.. not this... not this... n this would b the first thin i blurt out.I had done it again in all my conscious efforts to not talk abt the delayed train journey Hate it... but can’t help it... habits die hard... )
Dad: r u joining us for lunch? wat time will I b able c my daughter's face?
Me:hey no dad I jus started having my lunch with aunty. will b there in half an hr(I knew it wud take more than 45 min.. but still half an hr can bcum 1.5 hrs.. so fine;))
rushed home after byee c u l8r to the other few I met on my way back. Then to cousinz palce.I jus like bein there.. The talks so varied n diff things to talk abt... dinner n then the talks go on n on n on spanning topics from my aunt's neighbor’s daughter's new grand child in shimoga..to the prez of India to my cousinz trip to Italy. At 2.30 finally we decide to call it a day n zzzz Woke up in the morning coz of the broz kick.. I feel his hair hang like noodles from his head...
Ahh noodles... my stomach growling for foooooooooooooodddd. Off we go to a restaurant in one of the busiest places in blore.. Uncle n dad all nostalgic abt their student n bachelor hood days when they wud swarm in grps to this hotel.. how it has changed rather not. Then a round of shopping n another house to visit... then grand lunch...unclez home... oil bath -a ritual my granny believes without which a holiday r a daughter cumin home is not complete...;) then talked to another frd for a very short time.. wanted to tell n talk a 100 things.. bottleneck is timeeee constraintttt .So restricted the topics of conversation to the latest book I read by Feynman to the classes she is attending... to the days that we spent together that were glorious:)Then to a wedding reception.. With all aunties thinking u r the closest hey have ever talked to... all glares abt the dress u wear, jewellery u wear. ur hair.. N everything that is least important for sensible ple... The girl is an IAS officer sniffed one woman as if she was letting out her most treasured secrets... n i start wonderin...wat her interpretation of IAS is... y was she scared of nythin to do with police...uu fishy.. 'U look like a carbon copy of ur mom'...eesh! I and carbon copy. Now that cud do a lotta damage coz u have been told that u have tanned like crow after goin to Chennai.. N then as if to prove that fact here is a woman calling me carbon copy... i stared at her with an excuse me??!! Cum again??wat was that carbon copy... each letter separated with pauses to make its effect clear.. n started imaging myself as IAS..black n white.. all black but for ur teeth n eyes. Invisible After Six(my defn of IAS(lol)) n started laughin ;) N then run like hell out of the marriage hall to rush off to train ..back in a wet compartment dirtyyyy again.. back to the upper berth. look at again at the ple down who were irritated again like the day when the train was late but today bcoz it was wet with the rain ..am I repeating it? Have I cum over a circle of thoughts...I start thinking n drift into my world...as suddenly thoughts seemed to maender n i was unable to recall where i heard it..."good health n bad memory maketh a man happy".For u can relive and re-enjoy the good times of the days begone.I was all smiles when i cudnt recollect where that had gotten into my head. Ah my Bad memory !yippee! am happy! I said as I noticed both the laughter n rain that were there for 2 days continuously... as if each was tryin to peirce my ears more than the other had stopped...now suddenly... n seemed to stare at me to watch wat I wud do next..... I got off from the upper berth ..and started walking towards the coke machine..the circle was complete:)

Silence...

Is it the new blog syndrome that i am into?? I ask myself when i get up at 2.15 :33 by my cell n wonder wat i would write next in my new created black screened blog.Start thinkin of all things one by one.It was supposed to be a place of permanence to the evanescent thoughts of a moment ...an outlet for all that gets clogged in my mind without any place to go. I could start whining spinelessly about the shortcomings around me and within me. Somehow there was a desire to write writewrite... write like hell. Have done that bfore.. when frustration had covered me up top to bottom completely.When i could not hit the ball badminton in the first shot to the other court.. when i lost the first election in my school...when i got the second rank for the first time in life in my high school..when i goofed up my maths CET paper... when i could not solve a prob with ease during my engg...when i felt like a worthless goose to take up a training as stupid as the one my company had given initially..when i missed my loved ones..Today it was not any of those.. there was something else
It was the 3rd time in this night that i had woken up.
The day had begun as fine as yesterday i started thinkin..The merry and the senseless banter that comes up spontaneously ..the quick wits ... and the fun that takes new shape each day had been around today morning also.But later somewhere the mind had caught it up.. the subconscious was disturbed by some occurence in the day.The detailed dissection of the activities was goin on in a part of the mindfactory that was forced to to do an O T today. When had the glee transitioned to gloom i dint know....so there had to be an overtime work for the mindfactory where every word i speak, every action i commit gets trapped and shall be prosecuted in the mind's court if nythin has been wrong.On such days there is no silence within.The arguments for and against the action/words continue for long long hrsss when i am to sit n watch it as if it was not me who did it.. then finally a verdict is given.. n then am free.. if i have wronged..then the corrective measures are also suggested alongwith..else if am right then a sense of victory pervades till next such trial.Today there was one session runnin.. n that was the reason for the disturbed sleep ..the arguments.. it was right.. there was no other way...this was the best thin to do...oh the other ways would have been disastrous... There was utter chaos..the trials in the mind can be traumatic .To get a clean chit is very difficult from ur mind's court, where u r the judge, u r the culprit, u r the defender.It has to be neat .There is no way u can slip away by faking evidences for it is urself that u r trying to prove to. The night seemed extremely dark...darker than most of the nights as if to signify the gloominess that i was drowned into tonite....I saw my cell phone that was predominantly dormant during most part of most days. The activities on it were mainly the alarm in the mornin.. the call register to make or take the calls , which mostly were from same people and same numbers.. and of late the stop watch .My cell phone...the tiny thing.. soem1z brainchild .. some founders pride ... looked a pain to me.I had sat staring at it for hrs..waitin waitin n jus waitin....mostly in vain for it to ring.I remember sittin on this chair and holdin it tight .. carefully lookin at it every 10 min to check if the 6 black boxes on the left of its display are all visible.The anxiety would subside only then thinkin if ny1 of them calls .. they shall not have to listen to .."the airtel u have called is not reachable..please try later" I always wanted to be reachable to them.I always was.... i shouted with this as the evidence...Its not my fault if they dint call up then..The calls on the cell phone.. after i had bought one.. mostly for them and in the pre cell phone days mails were the only means through which they could reach me.There was a time when i used to sit in a net centre, my mail box open... hopin to c a kinda activity there.A new message window ' u have a new mail' would cause my heart to race faster and almost skip a beat as if it was for them that my heart beat than myself.More often than not, the new mail would be a spam r an idiotic fwd..At times like that i had cried..i wanted to cry now.. but the ocean of tears was contained deep within.. stopped by the heart that had almost bcome a stone wall strong enough to stop the tears outburst.Stopped bcoz the tears had no permission to flow out till the jury reached on a concensus.The verdict is ready...given the circumstantial constraints i give it a pass...there is joy and happiness coming back ..celebration started off with a fine joke.. that was a tough one to come through clean i had argued to defend myself..am laughing loudly ..and the mind's judge bangs the hammer n shouts SILENCE...n i woke up for the 4th time...to see that a new day had begun....There was silence inside now.. calm ..serene.. and a smile on the face..also i knew wat i would write in my new blog today:)

I've Got Mail..:)!!!

Some mails are not jus messages of 'hi' r acknowledgements. wtf am i blaberrin.. well am damn excited about "The mail" i got today :)never knew a single mail could make ur day :)phew!
Came to office waving a rather unwilling and forced bye to the long happening weekend:(.The mail box could become a mess of shit if u dont check it frequently.Well this frequently could vary very much.It could be once a week for my momz mail box.. Once a day for my frd's mail box and if u r at office , u check mails every hour and if u r utterely jobless (like me currently) then every ..well it cannot b pinned down on the time scale.I could at best remote it to say jus keep minimizing and maximizin it ..with of course the breaks, which would be when u actually get a mail.Umm a mail would be a forward most probably.. It would b about the subtle happenings in ur life.. in ur boss's life ..hell who cares ny1z life as long as it makes for a good read u dont mind reading it and faithfully forwarding it further...some bcoz of fear that u may loose everythin u have now by tmrw mornin if u dint fwd this to x ple( u r hapy if x is a single digit number or else u haveto cc it to x-few ple;)).Some bcoz u like it and assume all ur other frds would like it too .. some bcoz u r used to fwding the fwds cumon yaar cant help it! And some with clear n honest intentions of telling ur frds that they r still on ur mailing list.The last one would happen if ur hopelessly caught up in ur project.The number of fwds is inversely proportional to ur workload at office.Well i tried this also for the last one week..i just have been mailing around my entire gang of frds that they r jus puzzled .Some ple have even replied back with empathies tellin of their stories of joblessness.I saw my outlook say u have 84 unread mails ... (my face glew with joy at this)yippy! here i go ..the murderer springing up to action all set to kill about two hours of time.I start off with the mails in the order..First mail.. happy Janmashtamii to krishna.. yeah it was a gr8 grand festival.The gourmet in me satiated with all sumptuous varieties of eatables.yummmm y do such festivals not come often.the second mail.. f*ing spammers have no better biz under the sun r wat.. grrrrrrrrrrr some one sent a fwd regarding student loans.For a second i roar am no more a studentttt .. but then i think of CAT may b.. i tell myself i would b a student in a classroom again.. as i click to check the next..i say thanx to this mouse that me think of CAT.Most of the days wat i do is a ctrl+A followed by shift+del..today wanted to check all mails ..A,B,C,D and heyyy!!!!! there it wasssssssss .For a second i could not believe my mail box..My mail box..
the only one i have to my rescue at this godforsaken place...
The mail box that always bounced when ur closest frd sent u a long mail wet with tears and cries asking for an immediate help ..
The mail box that never ever failed when ur PL shouted at u sending a red mail...
The holy mail box carryin forward all gods fwds from one mail box to another hurriedly...as if a sacred offering was takin place...
The only frd of the worklessssss plee...i jus love my mail box. So many msgs so many nice things.. yeah the problem with ur office id is ur PL,ML,PM every1 mails up there.so not all is nice.Sometimes reading a mail gives u feelin soem1z sittin right above ur head ready to drop the sword on ur head if u dint complete a task nowwww and u sit up straight, close ur mail boxx and start gettin to work.Aha comin back to my mailll today.Generally the long huge mails my frds send are a thing of joy to me and amazement for my colleagues at office who always joked saying who would spend time on writing essays to u ...Hell none of this was on my mind.. jus a lil apprehension.. a lil excitement.. a tinge of anxiety... butterflies in ur stomach ....I click open.. its about 6 r 7 lines. i read each line with damn gr8 excitement.A day can get happenin coz of mail u c More so when u dint expect as much as u expected sun to rise in west :).. dint know it till today.yuhoo !! I've got mail... and am all smiles about it.:))))))

Cliché

The new place.The new comp.The new monitor.The new chair.The new page am typing on ...wait a minute .. wat is new about it?
Looks like the words are propping up from below the texpad onto it ,rather than from my head.Nothing new about it..Someone has used it before.. the place seems to come to life and i seem to feel.....

wat i read has been read before .
wat i write has been written before.
wat i like has been liked before .
wat i dislike has been disliked before .
wat i say has been said before .
wat i hear has been heard before .
wat i cry for has been cried for before .
wat i laugh at has been laughed at before .
wat i win has been won before .
wat i loose has been lost before .
wat i learn has been learnt before .
wat i teach has been taught before.
wat i love has been loved before .
wat i hate has been hated before .

And....

wat i read has been written before .
wat i write has been read before .
wat i like has been disliked before.
wat i dislike has been liked before .
wat i say has been heard before .
wat i hear has been said before .
wat i cry for has been laughed at before .
wat i laugh at has been cried for before .
wat i win has been lost before .
wat i loose has been won before .
wat i learn has been taught before .
wat i teach has been learnt before .
wat i love has been hated before .
wat i hate has been loved before .

This life is a cliché. It has been lived before..I am not the first , nor am I the last.
Just as i finish this, in my mind i reread the above sentences prefixing them with "wat if "
and i smile to myself but..I have never EXPERIENCED it before..

The Grown Up Way!;)

Hop outta office:), go home listing down mentally the never ending list of "To Do..things" some that are of immediate concern , Some that can get spilled over to next day and some that r spilt over from yesterday.With bon jovi singing (sing??!!! is wat bon jovi does called singing?? then wat do u call wat sudha raghunathan does? some how there seems to be a distinction between the two forms in my mind.bon jovi rocks man! yo! the others sing..i tell myself as if to signify sing was a thing that was peaceful and pleasant restricted to the kinds of Jagjit singh, udit narayan etc etc folks whereas to rock is to energise, listen with head bangs to iron maiden or Linkin park and let ur mom feel u have taken to violence beyond her imagination) loud into my ears i walked up to my room.She says.. u freshened up?
me:hell no!! am looking so awful ??..that i need wash (now that feels like an old car ..left uncared for coz the owner is too busy taking it for a ride all the time.)
I know that the first thing u want after a long tiring sunny day is a splash of cold water on ur face....that is available in the common wash basin below.I walk down without talkin much wanting no more comments to make myself feel that I am the definition of dirty.The food is ready.. dining table laid out clean and neat with the new coasters that the land lady has brought.The curtains washed clean .. I feel good about it ...walk to the wash room.Switch on the dim light near the wash basin.. without looking at myself in the mirror n before the light is turned on fully turn the tap on .. splash water ..feels heaven.ahh!I jus look up n am a lil confused.. hell wats happened to my faceeee(panic).. it seemed perfectely fine in the morning when i left for office..Now its White n blueeee.. as i opened my eyes.. I saw clearly n thanked my stars!!;) it was a note stuck on the mirror not my face that I saw initially...The mirror is a huge one.can accomodate 3 plez images at the same time..While i saw myself n assured that it was jus the strain of the sleepness over the week that had manifested as black patches below my eyes rest of my face was parts in place.. i took the note to my hand.Umm irritated.. frustrated...angry....calmed...determined...happy. The series of emotions that ran thru me.. in that order.
Irritated...coz it seemed the only emotion possible from a humane perspective when any1 read a note"PLEASE SPIT INSIDE THE WASH BASIN" in big bold letters .. on a full size A4 sheet.With a blue gel pen..giving away clearly that it has been traced and run over twice.. as if the words would carry more stress if u trace them over again
Frustrated ..coz the note is addresssed to "DEEPA ,X , Y ,Z.." ur name is the first.
Angry..Well u dont have to think i am a narcissitic ,self obsessed, arrogant, immature, idiot..(phew! have i run outta adjectives;)!) for having this emotion..for any of us who has had a fairly comfortable upbringing wash basin is not new:) Have i ever know the raison de etre y the wash basins were made.. have i ever used it bfore..did i ever grow up washing my face in the wash basin first thing when i get up , last thing bfore i sleep and innumerable times in between ..more so when u r in the 'hot sun at his best' city
Calmed..coz i realised that its only the landladywho has put this horrible thing up there and I know the landlady is all nuts;) .I guess she has lost most of them over the years.Crazy ple can drive u mad at times. Godd!!! pleaseeeee lemme not get affected by ny..I said to myself as I called out"hey the rajma smells yumm...n ur fave ..pal... by KK is playin on TV.. would u cum down.."
Determined.. that I would answer back.I quickly ran over the options in my head
1)"spit around everywhere in the house possible....;) as a symbol of revolt"- nayy dismissed this option as being childish and more over am concerned about the cleanliness and hygiene of the place i live around
2)Ring up that woman and jus start off shouting as soon as she picks up... "Hey u old hag jus listen up okei? I am not here to take in any of this shit u have written up ..U better come here and apoliogise for this atrotious note of urs and then hang up bfore even she decides on how to react;)"- next she would call up home n say i cant manage ur illmannered hooligan daughter..then parents callin up....hey darlin righteous would u jus stop bein the harbinger of ur folks wherever u get put up.Plz dont land us in such trouble time and again coz of ur social services. ehh doesnt sound gr8;)God y dint u make me a little bolderrr??!!!
3) Is wat i did:) I took a white paper. . blue gel pen..(Ah did i personify revenge at that moment;)) "Hi Maa'm, Well a note of thanks first. Its been very nice of u to educate me on the etiquette of using the wash basin.I guess a part of the note got torn in between or went missing .. coz am at a loss to see the instruction for the rest of the crowd to strictly abstain from spitting inside the basin.Ur note very clearly conveys that only we, the adressees of the note are supposed to spit inside the basin , and other crowd(which mostly uses it) is supposed not to do so... indicating that they should strictly spit outside the basin..failing which u shall b very annoyed for not maintaing the rules and regulations of the house.Have a nice day , Thanx a milloin and yeah please do put up the other note. C u on sunday (smiley with the most sarcastic smile possible under the sun) Deepa" Ah! a feeling of having won over! serves her right i think to myself and called all frds of mine in the house and announced "Hey ple I am goin to put this note on the mirror back.."
There is one girl very adamant that i should not put this up and it would put all of us in soup.. after all we were staying in the landladyz house and dint wanna invite ny troubles from her.. a whole lotta other reactions including a few grins and laughs.. finally the note goes up:(. I drifted into my other "To Do .. things.." recollecting from my mental note.It was only late in the night when we were laughing at a joke that i saw the note and then the mirror ..if only that note was on the mirror rather than the dustbin below the mirror in my room on the first floor...
Sunday morning i see the landlady and deep inside have a feeling of superiority as if i had humbled her..pardoned her for her acts after she had begged me for ages to forgive(lol!:)))).Feeling grown up and so much matured not to take small things beyond...
Happy ...coz i was Beaming with pride over a feeling of maturity coz of my grown up way of reacting to the whole thing :)

Mundane Monday Mornings??!!

The dawn broke early today.The first rays of the sun on my face ..soothingly pleasant.I Welcum the day with a soft embrace ..raising my hands to touch the sky.The pinkish golden sky with blue rays penetrating.. looks like someone has played with colors all night through.The maths book shouting at me.ytf dont u start off baby.. alligations is an important chapter.oh hell i forget the purpose of waking up early so fast and get carried away so easily.My roomy wakes up turning twisting and not very willingly .She looks at me n raises her brows surprised at the fact am awake before her and exercising also(wats wrong with this woman she must have thought)."goooood mornin " i say in my usual hyperactive tone.She responds"y does it have to bcome morning so early" with strechin all over the bed. I was in a recovered state.. having just finished my post-sleep resting .I need rest after sleep and dreams :) more importantly.After all sleeping is no game . Its a serious task that manages to take away atleast a sizeable amount of the meagre 24hrs of a day that we are given.
The daily rituals took place amidst my cribbings of y she cannot bathe twice and tell me i am clean enough , y cant she brush twice.. once for herself and once for me.Then the tea..which is devoid of anythin nearing saccharine ...and is tea only bcoz of its called tea by Uma.. whose screeching voice manges to wake me up even from the deepest of my slumbers;)
Yeah after a whole of activities that seem never ending.. finally i am office ready.We were sitting in the living room and having breakfast...NDTV:"India has lost the match to xyz.."one girl talks aloud continuing to chew the hot dosa ..Indians never win a match these days..it kinda puts me off early in the morning.. y dont u change ..Switch channels..therez zoomTV in which salman has bared his chest and is findin for jane jana.Ah how nice a job it would have been for me to go n help him search his jana than to go to that sick office cribs one.Next channel...i look up from the paper wow i love this song.. bheege honth therey... i dunno the singer..;)start hummin with it " pyasa dil mera..".Generally she hums up with me.. i suddenly realised shez starin at me with a piece of dosa fallen from her mouth to her hand..deepu stop it.. change.. in a low voice as if to avoid the others noticing that shez tellin me ..turnin her head in a particular direction slightly bent.."look there".Oh my gawd!!! there he was ..in one end of the room sittin on a chair ,Umaz father.He mus fairly b 70+.He was watching the TV .. uff mallika in almost nothin attire(attrie??!!! wherez that ?;)).Wonder wat the designer would have had to for the song;)eeshhh i looked at the old man .. n then at the TV.. took the remote hastily pressing it with all my might.. oooooo its not workin bloody..Dunno y such things have to happen at this time. I jus hoped he had no reaction to give...after a second r 2 i again saw the chair , by now having successfully changed back to "Sachin scored 55 runs..the highest amongst the Indians.." with a kinda relief.. only to realise he had got up n started walkin to the dining hall.
I jus shut up and gulped down wat was left in the plate and took my handbag .. was almost out of the house when it so happened i almost barged into him.Ah now! I dint want this did I?.He was standin right in front of me.I looked down.. well not exaclty with a "sorry abt it" thing on my mind but definitely a lil embarassed thinkin of "TV episode".. on one side of my mind I was like oh cumon it was only Mallika on TV not myslef out there..forget it..Another side was like.. wat would be on his mind... these shameless girls... his eyes seemed to say somethin like.. r u girls born outta ur mother's womb ??dint u have any kinda parental guidance during ur formative years??The floor was cracked below.. I was feelin that there shud b an earthquake and i shud jus seep into the earth n hideeee or the crack shud widen apart to accomodate The Pacific in between us so that he cannot c my face..and more importantly the TV and the boldness of Mallika on screen;)
Phew i jus slipped outta the house into an auto off to ffice and smiled to myself thinking of the way the day began.Some mondays are not jus mundane......:)

The Passing Thoughts

The passing clouds bring in almost a hope of rain, but they make sure that the hope is killed and pass away pleasantly .The birds chriping and fluttering wings pass.. on top of the huge buildings.. the time ticking away in my brown wristwatch seems to pass .. seems to tell me something .. the tone low, a heavy voice from within.. 3 months to pass...90 days to pass ..it seems to tell. I have decided to write CAT his year around.I dunno if i will be able to 'finish it fine' or 'CRACK CAT' as it is talked of , in the lingo of the CAT takers which today is half of umm.. well most of Indiaz eligible junta .Took the first mock CAT today.There was nothin negative about it nor was there anythin inspiring.I guess it makes no difference to many.I look around away from the Reading Comprehension passage where a persuasive writer is trying to talk about the slackish Economy of Singapore and Honk- Kong(Wonder wat difference it makes to me.. if China has more potential to grow and Hong Kong is lacking somethin.. of course other than getting those 5 questions below the passage 'right'). The beautiful sunday evening on the terrace..Its the dusk that has arrived with such beautiful grandeur. An aircraft is flying right above my head with lights red, blue and orange ..shimmering and makin a lotta noise.. i think to myself the pilot knows where to reach and more importantly how to reach:).There is a granny sitting on the opposite terrace musingly starting and wondering at somethin.She looks a little helpless for all i can decipher from the wrinkled saggy face and her white , mind u not grey but white hair that is tied in a knot with a black rubber band holdin it all together.She has a pair of glasses in one hand, a book that she has closed with a finger to mark where she stopped .I wonder y she stopped.May be bcoz its getting dark and she would not want to tire her bespectaled eyes any more or bcoz she is mulling over a thought that was put across in that book or simply bcoz she did not feel like reading.I wonder how it would be if u can control wat u "feel". Most things in life can be predetermined...I say to myself. I think to the girl sitting here and washing clothes , standing on her knees.. i can see the lather flowin down the outlet, it makes no difference that there was a mock CAT today.. and that there was a tough paper coz of which there is a dejected soul waiting to pounce upon the idiot who had set that paper equipped with all his intellectual armoury and whose sole purpose seems to have been reached with the dejection effect.But it does make a difference to the soul pacing around hastily all over tryin to shake away the blanket of sleep .It does make a difference to me who is writin this ...I really need to wakkkkeeee uppp ..uuuAAhhhhhhhaaahhhhaaa am awake and yeah! all set to shake the dust off, piled up inches on my grey cells thanks to the long period of mathematical inactivity .Coming back to the predetermination of things.. i said it in the context of the results of this exam.I will not have it bogging me down .I have made up my mind that it shall not affect me any negatively.Mathematically speaking i would define it as x such that x>=0 ;).Ahh am picking it up aint i?:)