Leo

May be u r the fourth dimension of my life, helping me on my journey of growth. 

May be u r my need for new love. 

May be you are distraction. 

Whatever u r, I know ur name before I know you.

Routeburn track

Great walks of New Zealand - when I first heard of it all those years ago, I found it amusing that in a land so beautiful and pretty how can anyone classify some walks as better than the others. Eventually after reading more about them and walking sections of a few of them like Abel tasman national park and Tongariro national park, I realised that these indeed deserve to be classified separately as Great Walks. Naturally, the desire to "do a great walk" has been on our list ever since, and so when E asked if we wanted to join in to trek the Milford track, we said yes without having to think about it. K is now 10 years old and will of course join us on a multi day backpacking trek we'd both decided individually in our minds and when one of us said it out loud, the other said "of course, she'll come with us and its still months away in December, surely we can train her for it". So we confirmed yes it was going to be 8 of us and a kid. This was in May earlier this year. In June the DoC huts website opened for booking huts on the great walks for the season and in less than a minute, all the huts on Milford track were booked. E was up refreshing the website on the other end of the world while we were asleep and she booked the next track on the list and that is how we signed up for walking the "Routeburn Track". We were going to start from  The Divide and end the trek near Glenorchy after 3 days somewhere during Christmas is all that registered in my mind. We had holidays and marathon training coming up and I slotted this end of the year activity more as a catch up with E and M after ages than the great walk.Slowly through the months a whatsapp group got created, someone booked accomodation in Te Anau for the day before the start of the walk and someone else booked an apartment in Queenstown for the day after the walk. We all booked our flight tickets to and from Queenstown. Someone booked transport from Queenstown to Te Anau to The Divide and back from Routeburn Shelter to Queenstown. Come December, post birthday celebrations, the walk became a topic of daily discussion at home. K and I watched vlogs and DoC information about the track and that's when I realised what the real deal was going to be... an alpine trek of 33 Km over 3 days, staying in huts without access to showers. Suddenly the brilliant idea of taking a 10 year old along with us did not seem so brilliant at all. Nevertheless, we got into action mode and started planning what needed to be done. Getting hiking shoes, poles, appropriate clothing and a million little things that should all fit into a 40 litre backpack. K and I went and shopped for my backpack and her hiking boots around a week before the D-day, Prash borrowed his backpack from a friend the day before we flew out. We 3 did a few walks in the evenings carrying weights and the others in the group did their own thing to train. A few calls to decide on a few food items we had to carry and a couple of trials later, I made enough dry huli avalakki mix and we bought some packets of dehydrated food bags. Protein bars that K and I tried at home tasted unappetizing and so we stuck to the store bought ones. R and A ordered in what seemed like truck load of methi thepla and we split them to load everyone's backpacks evenly. E and M arrived from Zurich and we caught up for dinners and discussed the logistics of the walk amidst catching up. K was super thrilled and it was feeling festive/communal in a very happy kind of way. Then the weather as always in NZ ,esp Fiordland where the Routeburn track is, started to seem unlike summer. Heavy rain and storm a few days before we were to start was not a very good sign. We now had to be ready to pull out of the walk bcoz it would not be fun for anyone and extremely risky too to take K along if the wet rainy weather continued to stay or got worse. Convincing K that it was ok for her and me to stay back in Te Anau if needed proved to be a difficult discussion but she agreed to it eventually. There was not much we could do other than be prepared for rainy conditions and so we repacked the backpacks which suddenly seemed way too heavy. I was more nervous than excited when we reached Queenstown. K started talking to S, E, M, Ma, A and R on the bus to Te Anau and did not stop till after we were all back and everyone left to their cities. Loading up on carb heavy Indian dinner and catching up as a group after almost a decade it felt like nothing had really changed from Wellington days. So many memories we recollected .... of random drinking parties, karaokes, costume parties, farewells, celebrations, festivals, movies, everyday waterfront lunches and many other things we managed to do as a group. Somehow going on a great walk was never a priority then ;) 

The highlights of the walk - single file walking, M and Prash daring to go below a freezing waterfall and nearly having a brain freeze. Dipping into cold lake and sleeping in bunker beds in our sleeping bags. Walkign over unmarked paths, boulders, mirror lakes and having the longest second day walk as the hut was much farther than what we all thought initially. Breathtaking scenary, never ending chatter, group dance to "juice kudithiya" a few ppl going to a summit trek and reaching late to a hut breifing on day 2. Day 3 in the forest and running to catch the bus back to Glenorchy. Pictures and videos to freeze these awesome memories in our minds. I remember ordering copious amount of food at a restaurant so much that the waitress suggested we hold off till we finishe eating to order more. Going separate ways to the different cities we came from, we made promises to repeat this every few years and choose treks across the globe. Everest base camp may be, Ladakh may be , Milford trek may be or who knows when or where next! 

2022 and a new year

What's new about another new year- the fact that it came by so fast - as if the years are accelerating and gaining momemtum. I certainly felt like I had no control over whatever was happening all through 2022.

I grew up, turned 40, gained weight, lost hair and changed in ways I never imagined possible. Like I have gone back a lot many years but lost my optmisim and energy along the way. 

I also discovered the only company I enjoy the most is my own along with reading books. Books that are a consistent in my life. Wrapping up an year has always felt good. Recounting the good things, the achievements, the things we overcame and triumphed over. This year though, felt like I was short changed, like I did the hard work and all the slogging but never quite got any fruit of that effort. That surely must feel frustrating and on that count I feel normal.

The thoughts wander and settle in patterns...I learnt a lot about the people around me. I have a lot of friends when I am well and good. When I am agreeable and happy. I tested that theory a bit, some circumstances by chance and depressingly found out that I have not many friends. Not even the unshakable ones have shaken and moved away from me the minute I was not able to give the way I had. That hit me hard. That life is so unfair and so unforgiving when I stumble. I have only me to help me and pick me up. I am good in a support role as long as I don't need much.In arguments I need to cry and nearly die to be acknowledged. So I won't argue at all. I asked for respect, just a little bit of it and that was too much to ask. I became cynical this year. But that my dear is what turning 40 is about some would say.

I also had a lot of parties to celebrate turning 40. I went away with a few to Hunter valley and drank copious amounts of wine in September. Some of my girl friends from Auckland and Wellington came to celebrate with me for a weekend in October. My parents came early November and made it a point to ring in the birthday with me. I had a big get together organised at home for a large group of ppl in Melbourne. Khushi laughs at me saying I might end up having 40 different celebrations before the next birthday! 

For all that went bad in 2022, I also had a set of good to balance it out. There is work to be done in 2023. I dont feel settled in Melbourne after over an year. It does not make me feel warm by wrapping itself around me the way NZ made me feel. For now, I am in a national park with my parents and my daughter is growing up to be a fine young lady with a sensible taste in picking books and music. I have much to be thankful for and think about how I can heal myself to feel as good I want to feel. After all, life's experiences of the year gone by should be shaping how one chooses to respond and feel to situations life presents in the upcoming year, isnt it ?

Moving to Melbourne

Uprooting ourselves and moving to a different city to live and thrive has been a pattern. When we moved to Auckland from Bangalore in 2015, the plan was to move out of Auckland in a few years. Of course we forgot all about that as we started rooting ourselves in all things Auckland had to offer. Khushi grew up to be a fine company and having time and space for our individual pursuits, we all thrived beyond what we could imagine when we moved to Auckland. 

However, when the call to decide came knocking on our doors, we did not struggle or think too hard mostly because it aligned with our plan from 2015.

The move itself however was drastically different to the past ones. There is always a lot of tears .. the time I moved to the hostel from my parent's home. The time I moved back to my parent's house from my hostel...when I moved to Chennai to work and from there on, back to bangalore, from bangalore to wellington, wellington to Bangalore , bangalore to auckland. All the previous times I have known these were moves by choice and in pursuit of what I've deemed different and better for me and my family.

The excitement of the move was really low this time. Mostly because of the fears of covid looming large on our heads. We still took the plunge and we planned to get to the new city in 2 months. Exactly to the date, we did arrive ...to a locked down city, empty airport lounges and streets. Been a full week now and its hard to recollect the activity packed last 8 or so weeks.

A few things were different this time. We both had secured jobs before moving which helped us focus on doing everything else we wanted to do easier.

First things of order were figuring out school situation. This is somewhat ongoing though we largely know how it will pan out in the next few months. For now, she continues her school online till the end of the term. As we started sharing the news of our move, we realised the number of ppl we knew well enough to catch up over coffee/lunch/dinner. I felt happy and grateful each time someone offered to catch up in person. I practically ate out every single meal for about 2 weeks at one point. Work colleagues that have become friends as the years have progressed.. ppl that have helped me and those that I have helped. Friends that are family who made time every chance and let us soak up the warmth and comfort. This made it impossibly hard to leave them all in one hand and on the other it's the spring board of support we will use till we find our feet here. Teachers at both schools, Khushi's friends from primary, intermediate and all the tennis clubs. Her  DKN( daily kids news)  friends! She has had a great time since the end of June with a whole heap of playdates, sleepovers and impromptu catch ups. It was very important for us that she spent that time with her lifelines and said proper byes and made plans to continue to be in touch however she desired.

The next was to decide what we do with our things... Quotes from shipping companies started coming through and none of them were able to give us a fair indication of when the container would arrive in Australia. Most said roughly 8-10 weeks but with covid raging, it could be double that too. After giving it some thought, we decided not to take any furniture/car/large items. We'd need them almost immediately on arrival for comfort and even a couple of weeks without things like a couch or bed would make life difficult. Again prioritizing comfort over everything else, we started selling our things on trademe. All of this was early days and the things we rarely used. 

We gave away a lot of things to the Salvation army. Quality clothes, small furniture, mattresses, Kitchen, bathroomware. Anything we had in excess and could shred basically.

It felt very satisfying -the sorting and giving away process. I also did a lot of pay it forward for slightly larger items that could not be transported easily to the charities.

This meant a constant barrage of ppl coming to the house and picking up items. Facebook marketplace was a revelation. Most things in the house were in great condition and ppl who picked them up really seemed happy. 

So we had a plan for things we did not want to take with us. Sell, donate and whatever remains call and arrange for removal truck to pick up in the last week.

Next was how do we take what we want given shipping was going to be impractical time wise for us. Extra bags on the flight with us and unaccompanied air cargo it was.

After what felt like days of iterating through and making calls, looking up online and gathering info as we went, we learnt a whole lot about air cargo and how it works.

We decided to DIY packing, dropping off, clearing customs and picking up at our destination. Freight forwarders either refused international cargo or asked us to pay 10 times the price due to very low volumes these days. We started packing things we wanted to bring with us to Australia. Buying the cartons, bubble wraps , tapes was all a detailed time consuming activity.450 kgs in 20 odd boxes.. it was all very exhilirating. We packed the boxes- labelled and started organising, cataloguing the best we could. Sold one car a week before and in the last week leading up to our flight, it started to feel real. We had friends from Wellington come over to say byes..get togethers filled with laughter, food, photos and gifts. Khushi and I bought and packed gifts for the closest of our friends and gave it to them with hand written cards. My social circle was the biggest and strongest it's ever been, its also been a source of strength and support for me. Found tenants for the house, tidied up every nook and corner, organised bank accounts, did 1000 little things. This has by far got to be the most organised and planned move we have made. I was so proud that we made it possible to go get the trophy from Indian high commision for Khushi for winning a Yoga competition, a few hours before our flight. It was all perfect. I knew where to find the things I needed for travel, immediately before and after too...Up until we parked the car to pick K up from dinner at Saravana Bhavan. It was for 15 min that we parked a friend's car. 

When we came back, the window of the backseat was shattered - we dint even realise it was broken into for a couple of minutes. Khushi's bag with her school laptop, cards and notes from her friends was gone. My handbag - the perfectly packed with everything to find including a water bottle for the morning flight was gone. I blocked my credit cards on the phone immediately but had lost a few hunderd dollars. I had a bundle of cash, my cosmetics, key documents and copies of everything needed for travel - a really big handbag - was gone. It was unbelievable and I completely lost it. We'd parked the car - a secure paid carpark we parked in almost once a week, given how frequently we went to SVB. We started walking up the street and Prash for some reason turned around and ran back to the car and fetched his passport pouch. I kept making fun of him sayign he's pararnoid of travel after 2 years ! 

We had friends help us out that night and drop us off to the airport the following morning. Landing in an near empty airport in Melbourne, we made our way to the airbnb in Boxhill in a big truck.

The first few days in the townhouse was spent on calls to Insurance company, Driver's license changes, police follow up in NZ etc.

Depressing - is the word that comes to my mind. We started working a couple of days later and managed to shop for everything including a new car and a rental home all online. A one of a kind experience and a story may be Khushi will remember to recollect later in life.

Thus we started a life in Melbourne - one of the popular iconic cities of the world.

Sunday evenings

 A very different Sunday evening now. The earliest memories of Sunday evenings are watching a movie at 4 pm. Driving back from Madihally. Those were my primary school Sunday evenings. The next phase I have a clear memory of is from my engineering hostel days. The kitchen was closed after lunch on Sundays to let the cook have a rest. On Sundays that I was not visting Mangalore/parents or my paati/Uncle's house, my friends and I used to pick a restaurant near the hostel to explore. Birthday parties- used to be postponed till Sunday evening. We'd all dress up (whatever that meant back then!) and if there was no crowd, my roomate and I used to go to a specific restaurant and talk endlessly as we did.

In Chennai, the Sunday evenings were mostly at Besant nagar beach with my bestie. Though instead of talking endlessly, I spent most of that time looking longingly at the sea- that seemed to somehow know - that the dreams I held deeply in my heart then were never going to see the light of day and would remain grey just like the ocean after sun has set.

These activities filled my soul in those phases of my life.

I can't remember Sunday evening rituals in NZ or since 2006...as Khushi and us grew up, it changed from dancing to songs on youtube, spending time in crowded playgrounds, my long runs while training for marathons phase and more recently watching TV with good food and discussing or arguing about things as a family - getting lost in the business of doing life.

In the last few weeks, I have found it necessary to spend time with and on myself. To feed my soul again, so to say. So that led me to practicing music and additionally contemplating on concepts from Yoga class. Music classes over the last year have helped me find that place of joy possible only the right note+rhythm+emotion comes through one's voice. Yoga classes started as a desire that I have nursed for a while to reach a higher level of strength and flexibility in the body and mind. Learning these art forms has pushed me out of my comfort zone. It has humbled me and provided me satisfaction when I do make progress. It is relaxing yet falls in my "productive and progress" bucket.