Moving base

The mornings wont be so easy. the nights wont be so calm. the roads will be crowded, potholed , waiting to kill you as soon as u slip. See thats y its great. U r awake and aware all the time. Zombies find it hard to live there.
People will trample you if u loose ur mind for a minute.
We r going to be gone from here in about a month. I am thinking i should make a list of what i will miss here. The closeness to the beautiful nature is going to numero uno. I will miss my early morning runs. 1 km n am at the world's best bay. the milky waves, pretty hills. I can see the flights take off . the fresh air and heaps of green. The run to the red rocks and view of south island across cook strait. I can cry hopelessly for an hour just for that 1 route. The oriental bay. my home run! how much will i miss it i have no idea but its going to be a huge one i know for sure. the beaches and seagulls a mere 4 min drive away. why oh why am i leaving it and going away?? i think i am a fool already! the park and field in front of our house is next. there is a huge patch of green park well maintained n slopey (almost like the ones in hindi movies where hero n heroine roll over ) leading to the golf course. its so calming n refreshing. on the other side is a biggg play ground. hardly ever used because there is another bigggg playground with artificial turf right next to it. the field is where khushi has had most of her meals. n we have had some of our best times with her laughing there.
Are these 2 reasons not big enough for the comfort of day to day life?
We r moving back to India. Our desha, where we belong or so i have argued a million times and over in the last 6 odd months.It is a lot of hard work. We r currently sorting out "our belongings". Its surprisingly exhausting.
There r big piles of things, sell, throw, take back. I am taking back with me what i cannot live without.
we r selling things we think r keepable but not worthy enough to be transported over.
To Throw. how do u throw what u paid for n assumed was worth . detachment is soo difficult. Its soo very difficult to let go of things u r used to using. Where is my yoga hat?

Graduation :)

So i officially have ze degree now. PGDip in Financial Analysis.
Its a very peculiar feeling as if i have lost something! I had soo gotten used to the idea of doing assignemnts attending block courses sometimes (Ok only sometimes) i think i will miss it. For 1 i dint REALLY slog my ass off this trimester. If i had i cud probably have gotten myself a better grade but on my part i had perfect excuses to not have made the subjects of study pivotal in my life during the trimester. I have learnt a great deal about finance from a zero to i understand what's going on types. But more needs to be done i know to leverage this knowledge. That is for later . For now its time to kick back relax and have a glass of Pinot gris :).
The graduation ceremony was very tedious. I will never ever attend one if i manage to get another degree!The boring, most boring roll call.... what was i thinking when i registered to go n endure that torture for 2 hours!
The parade was fun though. To be the cynosure and beam with flowers in hand an pose for a million fotos like a mini celebrity was awesome!.
Also its such a coincidence, the date 13th december :). Prash the better half (ok much much better half honestly) graduated on the same date(13 december 2001) in a different country with a different degree is something to remember

Khushi

I love you most now.
I was scared for you in the beginning. Such a tiny bundle you were . how i felt like i protected you in my womb ...as if you would never have to be on ur own and suddenly how could it be possible for you to sleep on ur own, cry and roll and breathe once u were detached from me. It was very confusing at first ...those sleepless nights were partly to blame. Then slowly u started to amuse me. How u smiled when i least expected you to. at 4 am :) how you waved ur hands making shapes that u wanted to catch hold of. how you rolled on ur tummy and hit ur nose but only once and then figured out u needed to lift ur neck.It was all a great amusement to me. How did u do it? Then i started feeling the bond. When i fed you. when u wanted only me to be by you. when nobody else but me could console you. I started feeling for you. almost like falling in love for the first time. Not knowing what to expect. Not knowing at all in fact that i am slowly falling in love with you.
Then you started entertaining me. with those gurgling noises, with the way u tried u mouth the toys .. show anger, tiredness and happiness.Ya u were definitely entertaining me then. those days in Mangalore when we had the whole afternoons to ourselves. I used to wonder if ur voice would be melodious ?how long would your hair grow? will ur nose grow long like mine or stay like his.Once we came back here I was very concerned for you. Suddenly it was just us all day. I had to feed you pureed food , sing u songs and make u sleep and do all this based on my instincts or the clock.I was concerned how you would call for help if you got a blanket on ur nose..how would you ask for food? how would you tell me you need a cuddle and nothing else now. somehow in ur own  way u did. U started talking to me. through ur eyes at first and then through actions and noises. Pointing at what u liked and smiling. U were growing. and i was growing closer to you each day. Our day trips to the library, times sitting by the beach listening to the waves and seeing the boats. Last summer that was wasnt it. Then u started crawling and walking and running bfore i could figure out how u did it u started calling me "ma". It dint tug my heart then. I had expected to cry the day u talk. I dint ...may be because i was still in disbelief? slowly the words became a melody. U became my doll. Next i was scared to leave you with jiji and go off to work. How could you get by even a minute without me or him next to you. I mean how is it possible? But you took to them like fish would to water and suddenly life was beautiful. There was always a story to look forward to when i came back from work. U transformed from a teenyweeny to a baby.
My daughter. Then the dreaded daycare .I dint sleep for nights and cried a few as well.The day i felt "fear" was ur first day alone at early years. I was truly scared. In a new place, with new people talking to you in a new language how how how how am I going to justify leaving you there?
but guess what you loved the place. Never have you cried in the last 5 months to go there.
U started talking "A LOT". Learnt the ways , the language, the accent , the routine. How do you do it?
Please can you tell me someday?
Its nearly your next bday. The new milestone. I love you now. like i have never loved you bfore.
The way u say bubby. those long surprising sentences, your mischievousness love it all.
Sometimes i wonder how much u have taught me in these 2 years. The journey on this road back to my innocence where you take me and what i become when you are with me.I wonder who the strong mother is and who the dependent helpless child. Its amazing.

Creativity

Programming is a very creative job. Realizing it took so long!
Much like cooking, organizing, dressing up. Its hardly any surprise then i like them all. no?
I have this new flare to design and decorate my home and myself and of-course the lil one.
This new found joy of carrying my Louis Vuitton around. Dressing to work to the T most days.
Shopping for clothes and accessories.
Drawing rangoli on small stones to decorate the puja corner for festival days. I even made my own small lamps to light :).
Reading books on organizing things around.
This craziness to write the perfect code covering everything, well documented, well formatted conforming to the best of standards.ahhh sometimes it takes a lot of time and effort and leads to disappointment if i dont meet my own standards be it in cooking that staple rasam or anything else, but its been most rewarding to finish things my way.
Since the break-from-assignment is supposed to end in a minute, off to get some tea.
Why do i update this blog? I think because i dont want to loose what i thought that day.
Someday i will again have the luxury of time to sit n ponder and write at length probably atleast a bit creatively.
But for now write them thots somewhere. Paper no longer an option.reason: khushi likes to draw crescent moon everywhere.

Mangalore muses

What is in the cities we live. Some that I cant forget some that i dont want to go back to. ever.
I love Mangalore. The rain, the warmth and just about everything in this city pulls me back there.
I like Wellington. The smallest capital city in the world. The comfort of having everything within 5km radius.
house/work/beach/hills/gym/daycare. Its perfect my life here. But i need a change. Man is like that by design i think. There has to be something new and exciting every now and then. Prash and I are nomads as all our frds and family call us. We just love to stay outside the house as much time as possible. Like seeing new places and things. Pushing ourselves to the limit more now with lil khushi , who not surprisingly loves garden n beach more than her own room and soft toys!.
Bangalore my hometown so to say is a different story. I dont like the city anymore. Its just not my kind of lazy malleswaram  dose/coffee/timepass place anymore. The people, the arrogance, the traffic and the heartlessness of it all. May be its just me may be i have softened down and gone weak in the last few years since I left the city and arent tough enough to live happily there.
Prash and I are going back to India for good soonish. Soon is a relative term. I do hope for the good of all 3 of us that we dont move to Bangalore.
The dream of living in Mangalore :) Its soooo exciting. So peaceful. The incessant warm rain in the monsoon. The tall majestic green coconut trees. The pleasant sound of sea at midnight. The song like language of people. The peace in the temples. The talented and colorful yakshagana.Please let me go back there. Please take me back.Someday someday i will be there to bask in the sun and feel the breeze and see the rain make patterns on my window so beautiful that i shall cry at the joy of having made my dream come true. But for now i need to find a job for dose/coffee there :)

Project :Home garden

yay to the Garden project!
I actually grew flowers in my new home garden !! Could I imagine i could vaguely be interested in doing this an year ago NO. Could I imagine that I would plant and the flowers would sprout and grow about 6 months ago NO. not in a lifetime .there is something hopeless between me and the pots and plants. I dont like pets or pots and its the same from the other side. First attempts at growing a coriander in the kitchen are best forgotten. But this time guess what , the coriander seeds sprouted and green things came out of the potting mix (in the previous world self would have called this mud MUD- oh the horror no wonder plants in  pots never liked me). Its quite amazing how much the herb grew in a day . ya I tracked it every 3 hourly and i swear i saw progress !! .
then the dream flower Gerbera. When there is a dull n depressed out of life minute in a day all i need to do is go n stand and stare at teh bright red smiley face flowers and its magical how calmed i become and how everything makes sense. How my anger dies out . I Love gerberas.
Next the super hero mint . It just grew sooo fast n soo much. This week we have had mint chutney , mint water, mint pesto pasta, mint pulav and mint leaves on everything possible. I even made a strawberry shrikand and put mint leaves on top. Just to feel chefy :D n the kick it gives to use self-grown herbs :)
Next summer its project tomato and beans :)
Now if only life was fair and gave one the time to savor such simple pleasures!!

Pace- reading and running

what is it about books that one reads? I find reading the most enjoyable thing to do.  give me  a good( by my standard) book and a cup of coffee and i am a happy puppy . ok i hate puppies or anythin four legged so not sure i would be happy to use happy n puppy in the same sentence. oh well, ya books. I have read a lot of books over the last year. especially the last 6 months. More than i have in the last 5 years. what are these books n y do i spend so muc time reading them. For one they are my tiny getaways. when i read i am one with a book. i am the omnipresent observer of the characters depicted by the author. At some point i even see though the author. I judge who the author is, at that moment. I care for and cry with the people in the book. I smell the food they eat and i feel their tiredness. Its a sort of alter -life i lead with them. Sometimes its educative to know about life and times of people. Sometimes its pure entertainment. for the duraton that i am reading, i am an artist pianting the scenes with careful details. i imagine everythin i read. And guess what! i read mostly books based in India. So i connect back to my roots sort-of. I think of my place and thats probably as much India i can get right now.
I just started reading suitable boy by vikram seth. the details!!! they r driving me crazy! jus about 60 pages into it and am beginning to like it.
I am very slow at reading. like i take 5 min to read 2 pages. but i njoy it. i am equally slow at running. i run 15km in 100 min. not fast enough. but i njoy running at that pace. i think i love this take it in slow, take it in completely philo right now.

Humbled

Somedays are very unpleasant. It is very humbling to take care of a baby.  To Have a baby on the other hand made me sort of proud. It was a i-know-what-pain-is , i have been through the worst n now look at this doll that my body has created... the kind of pride that only a mother can feel. The anger boiled over and somehow its not inbuilt in me to loose, not sure if its the term but that most aptly captures what i feel at times of these unpleasantless. ya to loose to a 2 foot one year old cant-even-walk on her own khushi. She does not want to sleep. and thats about it. there is nothing under the sun i can do then that would make her sleep. Last afternoon i tried for more than an hour, rocking, singing and feeding her and she was still wide eyed. I got angry, i shouted at her and i plonked her down. she looked up at me , smiled and went on to play with scout. I was lost. i dint know what to do. i could not immediately hold her , cuddle her n play with her. She wasted an hour of mine! n there was no point in knotting my brows n continuing to be angry because clearly she dint care or understand. So after sitting for about 10 mins. i had to calm myself down completely, give up my anger and go back to her. Its so unlike what i would do with any other adult who would cause so much anger in me. I went back to reading out books to her and in general we were happy again. So humbling . Once u r a parent, throw ur ego , pride and the whole lot bundled together out the window !! 

kindle on PC

e-book reading first time and it is very exciting :) very very. I feel the same excitement as i did when i got my own computer and played games like solitaire (ya i did really!! n one where mines exploded) all night.
The comfort of not havin to turn pages or to worry about khushi tearing them apart before i finish reading them.
The dictionaryyyy yay to improve-vocabulary-campaign!
i am just loving it. ya how can i forget for once prash n i are both reading the same book, same time :D
n 'Born to Run' is the chosen one.